Darkness takes many forms, whether it be the physical
manifestation of night or things that crawl in your thoughts from past
experiences that haunt you to this day. We all go through times where you feel vulnerable
and scared where you regress back down to a child, as we reach for parental
support as you shout for their name but nothing responds.
It was a warm and wet October night I was excited as I had a
party to look forward so I was almost shaking in anticipation as I could not
wait to see my friends which I have not seen what felt an eternity. I wasn’t
going to drink as I was taking my bicycle that evening because drinking and
riding a bike works just as well as walking on a cattle grid with high heels.
As I rode into town the sun was retiring for the day, where darkness consumed
the night’s sky as the city of Bristol began to light up with street lamps and
neon lit signs.
As I got to the Grain Barge I was greeted by my friends with
cheers and hugs, I felt warmth from them and had a grin ear to ear. I ordered a
drink of orange juice as I didn’t really want anything carbonated, as I didn’t
want to be bloated when riding home. As the night drew to a close I felt the weight
of tiredness on me like an anvil trying to push me into the ground, so I put
the lights back on my bike and went on my way.
It was half past eleven at night it was pouring with rain, I
could hear each individual drop I could almost count each one as they hit the
ground like a pebble. As I got closer to my home the rain faded slowly but
surely, I had sense of relief as I was getting a bit aggravated due my brakes
not working at full capacity due to the wet environment. I was around the
corner from the house, as I got closer I heard car screeching its tyres and
before I knew it I was up in the air as I was attached to my bike. I found
myself in the gutter, I looked to my left and the car kept going leaving me on
the floor with blood slowly pouring down my head where it eventually made it to
my eyes. I led there for a bit, but I thought "I need to get up and get home or otherwise I will never get there",
It was only a few hundred yards, but it felt like a few hundred miles due to my
intense pain but I finally made it.
I managed to get my key in the lock just about, I was
ironically wobbling drunkenly I got the door open walked up stairs and head
towards the bathroom. I cleared the wound up and my face, the sink was blood
soaked as crimson as a British tourist in Spain, I looked in the mirror and my
head was as big as a bolder. My parents where awake due to hearing me walk
through the door, my father was somewhat awake as he was alcohol soaked due to
it being a Friday night, but he was with it enough to examine me as he is a
doctor. I was fortunate enough to only do cosmetic damage to myself, but it was
an enough for me to not leave the house for a week due to shock and I didn’t want
anyone to look at me.
A new week started, it was only two days after the incident and
I work up with a headache that felt like
someone was sat on my head all night, it wasn’t surprising consider how hard I
feel but it was a pain nonetheless. I didn’t want to leave my house nor my
room, but I got up had breakfast with a fresh coffee igniting the pleasure
receptors in my nose. I went back to my room in darkness, I didn’t draw the
curtains all day I sat there in darkness with nothing but that gruesome night
replaying back in my head over and over again where it was so vivid that I felt
the pain all over again. I had visitors from my older brother to see if I was
okay, but my speech was limited to yes’s or grunts mostly as conversation was
not really on my mind as I shut a lot of people out. I healed up a week later
where the swelling deflated where I felt I could leave my room and show my face
more, I went to look in my garage to see my bike there and pondered "Do I dare to risk it".
It was the next morning I had a surge of confidence where I
had breakfast and more or less got out on the bike instantly, I was out on the
road and it felt great with the wind in my hair with the refreshment of water
as I took swig from my bottle. There was a moment where I had a wobble where a
car shot out all of a sudden, but I soldiered on and fought through it. The
weeks went on and the thoughts of the accident faded and I felt joy every time
I went out on the road and the darkness that once manifested in my mind
disappeared.
